When Mary Karr is discussing with a male friend about how a guy might feel if she were to grab his crotch, her friend jokes and says, Oh, yeah, try it, suggesting that, for men, any sexual overture is welcome. And I do think that there is some underlying truth to the “joke.” And this is why women must continue to educate the men in their lives about how utterly violating, disrespectful and traumatic this kind of behavior is.
Sadly I wasn’t shocked by the attackers behavior in this article. Every female presenting person I know experiences some form of harassment or assault at some point in their lives. I think reacting with disbelief makes it seem like an isolated incidence when the reality is unwanted sexual advances are the standard not the exception. instead of saying “I can’t believe some one would do/say that” we should be responding “I know this is a reality you deal with on a daily basis and I’m working to educate the men in my life and intervene when I see it happening”
Thx for the reply! Makes a ton of sense. It legit didn't even occur to me that there was any downside at all to communicating my surprise and shock about something so violent.
The non-shock response that you suggest brings up a different set of concerns though. For one thing, it wouldn't have been emotionally honest for me to tamper down my sense of disbelief.* There's a difference between "daily basis" misogyny (workplace snubs, sexist jokes, guys who don't get "no" when hitting on girls at bars) and the broad-daylight attack described in this piece. It's not possible (or productive) to try to put every single shock on a shock spectrum, but when exceptionally heinous stuff ceases to startle us (or when we censor/silence those thoughts and feelings) that feels like a dangerous step towards normalizing it. And to what end? To highlight the more subtle, pervasive, widespread evils that are also a huge problem?
Perhaps the answer here is to remember that violence against women doesn't happen in a vacuum. And that there's always a larger societal context and it's always worth understanding.
*And I avoided that term/concept ("I can't believe") in my original comment because it implicitly calls the author's credibility into question. There's zero doubt in my mind about Mary Karr's precision and accuracy here. Having said that, I'm certain that I've made this mistake in the past. A benign example is: "I can't believe how cold it is outside!" when of course I can and do believe it 100%. (It's like how people say, "literally" when they actually mean "metaphorically." Damn language!)
Love this ! I felt Mary nailed her feelings and was strong enough to act in the midst of the terror. Statistics of women who have been assaulted still rick me to the core.
When I saw the title of this article, I immediately assumed it was about Trump. How sad that I associate "the crotchgrabber" with the president of the United States.
Of course the one person who listens to her is homeless.
When Mary Karr is discussing with a male friend about how a guy might feel if she were to grab his crotch, her friend jokes and says, Oh, yeah, try it, suggesting that, for men, any sexual overture is welcome. And I do think that there is some underlying truth to the “joke.” And this is why women must continue to educate the men in their lives about how utterly violating, disrespectful and traumatic this kind of behavior is.
Pretty disturbing article… It’s hard to believe this stuff happens as regularly as it does but it must be Called out when it does happen
Jesus H Christ! How’d they just go into a sandwich shop?! What a crazy story. The friend of the villain is just as bad as the villain.
Sadly I wasn’t shocked by the attackers behavior in this article. Every female presenting person I know experiences some form of harassment or assault at some point in their lives. I think reacting with disbelief makes it seem like an isolated incidence when the reality is unwanted sexual advances are the standard not the exception. instead of saying “I can’t believe some one would do/say that” we should be responding “I know this is a reality you deal with on a daily basis and I’m working to educate the men in my life and intervene when I see it happening”
Thank you I’m committed to calling out the most subtle mysogony and to continue to educate..
Thx for the reply! Makes a ton of sense. It legit didn't even occur to me that there was any downside at all to communicating my surprise and shock about something so violent.
The non-shock response that you suggest brings up a different set of concerns though. For one thing, it wouldn't have been emotionally honest for me to tamper down my sense of disbelief.* There's a difference between "daily basis" misogyny (workplace snubs, sexist jokes, guys who don't get "no" when hitting on girls at bars) and the broad-daylight attack described in this piece. It's not possible (or productive) to try to put every single shock on a shock spectrum, but when exceptionally heinous stuff ceases to startle us (or when we censor/silence those thoughts and feelings) that feels like a dangerous step towards normalizing it. And to what end? To highlight the more subtle, pervasive, widespread evils that are also a huge problem?
Perhaps the answer here is to remember that violence against women doesn't happen in a vacuum. And that there's always a larger societal context and it's always worth understanding.
*And I avoided that term/concept ("I can't believe") in my original comment because it implicitly calls the author's credibility into question. There's zero doubt in my mind about Mary Karr's precision and accuracy here. Having said that, I'm certain that I've made this mistake in the past. A benign example is: "I can't believe how cold it is outside!" when of course I can and do believe it 100%. (It's like how people say, "literally" when they actually mean "metaphorically." Damn language!)
Love this ! I felt Mary nailed her feelings and was strong enough to act in the midst of the terror. Statistics of women who have been assaulted still rick me to the core.
When I saw the title of this article, I immediately assumed it was about Trump. How sad that I associate "the crotchgrabber" with the president of the United States.
Of course the one person who listens to her is homeless.
I hope this behavior isn’t a new level of millennial entitlement!